On the Loss of a Number One Fan

We live under a curse. It is inevitable that at one point in our lives, we will have to come to grips with the loss of a significant someone and the myriad of losses it would bring.

After a loss, we go on, surrounded by echoes of that voice, reverberations of that laughter, vestiges of that presence in the different corners of the house. Sometimes we think we hear the shuffle of those feet in the room.  Sometimes we get a flash of that face in a crowd. At times, in the middle of a fine day, we are strangely overcome by a poignant memory that brings up a tear or two.

We miss a person that is gone for a host of selfish reasons.

We miss the the being with, the talking to, the laughing with.

We miss the face, the confidences, the ministrations, the demonstrations of devotion.

We miss the feelings that we felt when we were with that someone—the wonderful and not-so-wonderful mix of emotions arising from the fellowship of his or her soul.

It’s been several months since we mourned the passing of Mommy Esther. She was a beloved mother-in-law, and my son Matthew’s number one fan.

Having been physically away from her for the past few years may have muffled the impact of that loss; nevertheless, it is there.

We miss Mommy the most in times of Matthew’s big achievements.

She wasn’t there to see Matthew show off on the videocam his gap-toothed grin. She wasn’t there to watch his piano recital in youtube. Neither was she present to listen to his amazing guitar plucking, his wonderful tennis playing; nor was she there to wow over his triumph with the bike and the freestyle.

Mostly, I mourn for my husband’s loss.  That hope is gone of someday presenting his own grown-up son to his mother proudly declaring what a fine man he'd become.

He, himself, had been her favorite son.

At one point in our lives, we will suffer a loss. Perhaps, it might be a little one that on a given day would come like a tiny twinge in our chests, or a devastating one that would leave a wide, gaping hole in our hearts.

We will grieve: some more than others; and we will go on living.

Someday, our own passing will be someone else’s loss as the cycle of living and dying goes on and on, until the curse is lifted and we are resurrected never again to die .