Driving in the rain through the freeway. I inhale and exhale Your goodness and mercy. It is wet and gray. Dread is a weight that’s crushing my chest and my back. My right arm is heavy.
“Oh, Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You discern my thoughts from afar. You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue; you know it completely, Lord.” Psalm 139:1 -4
My body bare and exposed to strangers… You know I hate this, Jesus. They will poke and probe and see. I will be uncovered. But the words came back that you said this morning: “Naked, you hung on a tree.” Jesus, you know. You know.
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3
I am assigned a number and a wristband. And change my identity for a pink gown. I am ushered in and out of rooms. I sit and I wait… inhaling your goodness and mercy. I asked that this day be filled with grace. Touch the hands that touch me.
Waiting. I am dizzy, and famished. My body is faint from fasting, Jesus.
“You hem me in behind and before. You have laid your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5
And here I lie. My arms ache. The thing burns into me.
Stand beside me Jesus; let me feel your presence as I lie.
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5 ) Never.
You are here, Jesus. You touched the hands that touched me.
My strength is waning, Jesus. Even now. But then, I see them, Lord. One by one, they fill my bucket:
First, Otane, then Andrea who held my hand and spoke kindly, then the doctor who you picked just for me. You were there, Jesus. And the hug that Andrea hugged me was yours.
You touched me today, Lord. And said, “I love you. Do you see it?”
GIFTS….
I came out to a world that glistened after the rain. The air was crisp and clear and pure. I inhale your goodness and mercy.
I can see your heart, Jesus. The trees had flowers. The raindrops on my car window were a work of art . A precious friend spoke life and joy.
They keep tumbling one by one: the gift of breasts for my beloved to enjoy! Even when they’re banged up and bruised.
The gift of tears! Birds singing in the parking lot! Red bougainvillea that line the highway. Waving palm trees.
Frogs croaking. Home. A husband who is there. A son whose childhood I am blessed to have shared, moment by precious moment. Tortilla chips and mango salsa. Fresh laundered clothes from the dryer. My boy on the couch cooing “Mama” . A shameless reaching out of arms. A kiss on the forehead; a kiss on the nose. Nighttime. Life is beautiful.
And on it goes…Eyes to see; ears to hear; and a heart poised to receive.
Exceedingly. Abundantly. More than I can ask or think. Your gifts are mine. Your treasures to cherish each grace-filled day.
What an adventure. Today. Everyday.
“I have come so they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10
“Give and it shall be given you, pressed down, shaken together, running over shall men give into your bosom.” Luke 6:38
“They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles…” Isaiah 40:31
This is my year to fly.
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. “ Psalm 23:6
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