Mercedes – In Memoriam

Throughout the seven years I’ve lived in my  neighborhood, I’ve made only a handful of acquaintances --- neighbors  I meet when I take my walks; folks I see as I take out the garbage or  park my car.  Mercedes was one of them.

She was an older lady, probably in her early 70’s, who lived with her husband Dominic, presumably  a retired New York firefighter.  They appeared to be quite patriotic Americans.  I always see a FDNY American flag draped on their balcony.  Mercedes had been a Christian and   had once invited me to  church.

When our neighborhood was ravaged by hurricane Wilma in 2005, our house was one of the few that sustained damage.  When the storm passed   we found ourselves  trapped inside the house.  Tree trunks and branches had crashed onto our patio along with the roof .  Shortly after, Mercedes came to check on us and she had a grocery bag which I thought in retrospect might have held  a homemade dish.   I didn’t invite her in for whatever reason  only to realize how rude it was of me to have done that. Plagued by guilt, I passed by her house one time.  She offered me a drink  while we made small talk.

  

Over the years  I would occasionally  get a brief glimpse of  Mercedes or Dominic as I passed by their house or  on their morning or afternoon exercise, garbed, as it were,  in their athletic shirts and sneakers.  As much as I wanted to cultivate a friendship with her—having no friend of my own in our neighborhood--I was way too busy in my mind and finally lost interest.

A few days ago, I was on my way home after hiking when I passed by Dominic. I casually blurted out, “How’s Mercedes?” Dominic replied that she passed away in April, of a heart attack. It was very sudden, he added. The news stunned me. It was a moment of incredulity. All the way to the house I was gripped in some kind of  shock.  How can one be a neighbor and not know that  a person in your street has died?  I may as well be living in another city or country. I have been passing by their house presuming that Mercedes was inside. Life had gone on for me, while  death had paid visit at a home just a few doors away.

 I still see a vision of Mercedes standing alongside her husband—healthy and intent with the business of living,  when in reality she had been gone and buried. Mercedes is gone.  Even now, I am strangely in grief.  I believe I am mourning the fact that I will never have a chance to see her again or strike that friendship with her -- a desire henceforth unfulfilled, an opportunity   forever lost.

I wished I could have said more meaningful words to Dominic even now  as I imagine him living alone in that empty house filled with the memories of Mercedes.  Out of words -- I only managed to  put my hand to my chest and say that she was a good woman.

It may take a some time before this twinge in my heart goes away.. Or it may never go away.  Regrets are hard to get over, no matter how small.

Dominic was going for the usual  afternoon walk  the day that I saw him. That time he was walking alone… a poignant  picture of one man trying to  live  life after a loss.

I had lost one likely friend.  He had, in fact, lost a wife.

  

Farewell, Mercedes!