Thoughts on "Mother's Day"

This  week, it all came to a head.  My sweet, loving son who had turned into a  whiny,  impatient, short-tempered, angry, sarcastic grouch over the past few months had another of his now-common "moments".  Gentle reminders, patient redirection,  mild reprimands all had been futile and the point came when I had  a major "mom blow-up."  Pubescent hormones or not,  I decided  I had enough.  Pointing at him from across the room, I told him in very emphatic terms that his behavior was unacceptable.
From that point on I showed my son tough love.

This I learned from that moment:  tough love was probably tougher for me who disciplines than him-the disciplined. My inclinations as a mother is to love my child, to hold him, and nurture him, to touch him and embrace him. To hold myself back in the name of tough love was heart-breaking for me.  It sapped me of all my strength, and caused me so much grief, I actually felt the burden on my physical body like a hundred pound weight dragging me down. My spirit was  groaning and aching for my son, and yet, because I love him I knew I had to discipline him. And I cried out to God in behalf of him seeking His guidance. It was a battle of will that I fought for a night and a day. The weight of it was almost unbearable.

God taught me a lesson this week: how sweet is forgiveness and reconciliation: to the one that forgives and to the one that is forgiven. How wonderful and glorious and joyous it is!
As my son and I finally spoke heart to heart at the end of that long day apart (he was in school), with tears both in our eyes--- to finally hug my son whom I love and to give and receive forgiveness--it was the most freeing thing! 

God taught me a lesson this week:  it is a striking lesson on love: the depth of a  parent's love for a child.  It's a lesson I thought I already knew... for everybody who has become a father or mother knows the kind of love I am talking about.  But God showed me more than that: He showed me the depth of His love for me. 
For God - whose love is perfect, unsullied, and untainted by sin-- whose very Being is Love, to have to turn away from me because of my sin--holy as He is- surely, surely breaks His heart more than our finite minds could imagine.

And I am reminded of this song that  also this week brought me, on my knees in tears at the magnitude of God's love for me:

"And He is jealous for me: Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy:
When all of a sudden I am aware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize how beautiful You are, and how great  Your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us, Oh how He loves us so.
And we are His portion and we are His prize;
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes;
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking..."

God taught me a lesson this week of Mother's Day: that my finite love as a mother for my son is but a mere shadow of His perfect, infinite, unfathomable, endless  love for me.